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Must We Use It?

What is with all the bad language and need for sex in everything we see and read lately?

Many of the books I read are very nice books, with good plots and great ideas, until the author decides the F-bomb is required. Authors and others seem to be unable to express emotion without using foul, disgusting language.

Everywhere you turn, in movies, advertisements, television and often stores, banks and shops bad language slips through. Sometimes it’s a word or two, others the air seems to be clouded with the blue of the language.

The F-bomb isn’t the only word that crops up to blue the air. The name of our Savior, in part and in its entirety, explodes from the mouths of babes. Words we considered merely dirty when I was a child are considered appropriate fillers flowing from children, teens and adults. Additionally, sacred names of Gods are reduced to common terms with no respect or honor noted.

I mentioned my concern to my teens a few years ago. They informed me the language heard in R- and X-rated movies was mild compared to what they heard every day in high school. Sadly, this has not improved. The atmosphere is worse in high schools, middle schools, and even elementary schools. During the years I taught it was a constant battle for me to keep the language in my kindergarten class appropriate. Five and six-year-old children spewed dreadful language they heard on television, the playground, and at home.

Many years ago we knew a Marine officer who told us of his command. Junior officers and senior enlisted were expected to control their language. He said intelligent people discipline their more effectively without the use of foul, disgusting, or unholy language. Certainly, if a Marine can do this, everyday people can manage to clean up theirs.

Add to the language that distorts and burns our ears, is the commonness of sexual innuendos. Advertisements of all kinds suggest their products will allow users will make them look, act, or feel sexier. Tight clothing, short skirts, plunging or open necklines are worn by many—anything to suggest an opportunity for the illicit.

There is a general loss of dignity and honor. Good and wholesome words are replaced with slang and filth at every level. Men and women dress themselves and their children as though they are objects to be toyed with rather than beautiful individuals with possibilities for success. Hope is lost. Bad has become good, good is evil. Even the language supports it. When things are wonderful, the word “bad” is spouted.

As I am writing of our first parents in Eve Remembers, I suspect they would be horrified by the use of inappropriate language and the blatant sexuality. In their home, it was not so. But, Adam was a prophet and a seer. He probably saw our day, and was saddened that so many of his children have turned from Father to the Destroyer.

What do you think? Are people around you lazy in their speech, unable to find better ways to express themselves? Or do they uplift the world about them with clean and wholesome words?

What about you authors? Do you litter your writing and foul the mouths of your characters with filth and f-bombs? Or do they find better ways to express themselves?

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It’s time for Gender Equity

Women and men are different.

This is not news. We are shaped differently. There are many other, often subtle, differences between us. For thousands of years the differences have engendered inequity, with no justification.

We were created equal, though men and women were given different responsibilities in caring for the family. Generally, men provide support and protection and women provide nurturing.

God gave each person equal responsibility for behavior. We are given freedom to make choices. The ability to make choices includes the obligation to accept the consequences of our behavior. Men and women equally choose and accept consequences for individual actions.

Ages ago, at a time in our dark history, for whatever reason, someone decided women were less than men. It could have been because women gathered together, maintaining knowledge. Some man may have desired power. Some priest felt threatened. It doesn’t matter. It happened. And it has continued.

Women have attempted to redress the inequities, seeking rights not just similar to men, but exactly the same. It took years of battling to receive even the right to vote, much less the right to own property and be something more than chattel property.

Many years later, the struggle persists. Pay for the same work is still much less for women. Men are allowed to stand up for themselves, while women who do this are considered bossy. Women drop out of sports fearing the appearance of masculinity. Men claim a right to ogle, touch, or verbally disrespect women in their presence. Women remain targets of sexualization, rape and brutality.

This week Emma Watson spoke to the United Nations about the issue of gender equity, addressing these needs. Additionally, she commented on the challenge men face because of this long held attitude.

Watson reminded us that men suffer, unable to discuss their problems, unable to ask for help. Young men commit suicide at a greater rate than other causes of death.

Emma Watson said:

“I’ve seen men fragile and insecure by what constitutes male success. Men don’t have the benefits of equality, either.

“We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes but I can see that they are. When they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence. If men don’t have to be aggressive in order to be accepted, women won’t feel compelled to be submissive. If men don’t have to control, women won’t have to be controlled.

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong.”

Many men support the women in their choices, honorably treating them as equals. Women allow their men to express their inner feelings. These actions appear to occur in private situations. Publicly, support and equity happens less often. No country in the world treats men and women equally. Too many young women are not allowed freedom to control their own lives, educate themselves, or feel safe in a crowd, in our country or any other country in the world. Too many men fear to share sensitivities, are disparaged because the respect and honor women, or find themselves compelled to participate in ribald and disrespectful actions toward women.

This must change.

How do you think this can happen? Do you have other examples of gender inequity? Please share your thoughts.

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Work Over Welfare

Most days a comment is found on social media suggesting the need for everyone to work to earn their keep. Frequently, a commenter will express a need to work in order to pay for others to live.

Since the last economic crash, many hard workers are left jobless. Employers don’t trust them to be the same honest employees they were before the crash and their subsequent loss of employment. After six months of unemployment, many human resource departments ignore these workers without serious contemplation. Regardless of past performance and education, loss of employment eliminates them from the viable job seeker pool.

Is it any wonder many of these previously successful men and women whose unemployment benefits are used depend on government food supplements, welfare, and medical support?

Many who are lucky enough to continue in employment since the last crash believe the crush of supporting the now unemployable is on their shoulders. And the burden is theirs, if they are part the shrinking middle class. Good people lost homes, families, and reputations because of factors beyond their control.

How will we overcome this debilitating circumstance?

It does not help to denigrate the jobless, though they may have lost all hope for positive position. Some lost all hope.

Greed and selfishness are rampant. Those without work, without hope, demand from those who are employed and filled with hope for success. “Surely the wealthy should give of their substance to the poor,” they cry. But, why would the wealthy or the middle class continue to seek success if all they do is pass that success off to the jobless? All that ever does is lead to a median level of poverty, and destroy the desire to achieve.

How is this to be solved?

Among the first commandments given to man was the command to work, to earn a living “by the sweat of the brow.” No longer could Adam and Eve pluck life from trees. They were required to learn, to experiment, and to work. It was not easy for them. Life is not easy for families. Men and women worked to develop the land, grow food, and domesticate animals.

In the past century we live an apparent life of ease. Electricity is our slave; machines do the heavy work once forced upon our ancestors. The individual energy expended to provide for a family is significantly less, but we are still commanded to work, to earn life “by the sweat of our brow.”

Is this the answer? Allow men and women the right to develop the dignity that comes from honest labor. Rather than give people money and things, give them the opportunity to work and rebuild confidence and lost reputations. Regardless of public opinion, people prefer to work, to provide for themselves and family.

I call on employers of big and small businesses to lift the ban on hiring those who lost jobs because of the economic slowdown, and have not worked for more than six months. Give people a chance to regain self-respect and dignity.

Earth

Pollutions Fill the Earth

Pollutions fill the earth!

Pollutions assault our eyes and minds each day. Trash lies along roadsides. Smoke and smog assault our eyes and noses. Light crowds out any ability to discern the stars. The earth struggles to maintain appropriate temperatures for our benefit. Oceans are clogged with man’s refuse. Even our land fills are crowded with plastics, diapers, paper, and other slow decaying matter, some of which can be recycled. Forests and ecosystems are overtaken and destroyed by men whose goal is wealth and control.

Children, adults, and large institutions address these issues daily. No public school class is complete without a discussion of the problem of pollution. And it is a challenge requiring much effort.

Other types of pollutions destroy our sensibilities. These are personal and individual pollutions, causing danger to self and others near us, pollutions of dress and language. A total lack of propriety prevails.

Skirts, shorts, and tops have long been shrinking, showing more and covering less. Decent women did not wear them, however. Only girls and women in television and movies and advertisements, and the women we hoped our men left alone—those on the street corners, advertising themselves.

During the past decade or two, this has changed. The prevailing attitudes of clothing designers declare less is best in fashion. Glimpses of bodies normally covered and protected are becoming the norm. Sex sells. Men and women are taught provocative wear is sexy in places other than the bedroom.

Female movie stars compete in showing more of their bodies, covering less and finding shock and admiration from the media. Rather than hide the nakedness, it is exposed on the news and internet for all.

Women are not alone in their state of undress. Men shred t-shirts and jeans, exposing sometimes muscled bodies. Some remove shirts entirely, as though a bare chest on a man is acceptable anywhere away from the beach or a swimming pool. Others, in an attempt to entice, unbutton many buttons near the neck. It is scary when the man is overweight or extremely hairy.

Worse, young men sag their pants, often wearing two or three pair of boxer shorts to try to cover, usually unsuccessfully! Few really want to view bare buttocks or lots of boxers.

True sexiness, true beauty is found in a covered body. Save your body for the one you love. Don’t share everything with everyone! Women and men who cover modestly also show greater respect for themselves and others.

Foul language permeates the lives of many. Children spew words only sailors used not many years ago. This occurs in classrooms of children as young as pre-school. Toddlers repeat language used by parents that at one time brought out the soap. The media is saturated with foul language and actions. It is not a surprise our youngest children repeat obscenities.

Add to the foul language a total lack of respect, for themselves or others. Rudeness prevails. Each person believes themselves to be of greater importance than any others. No one else in in as great a need or hurry as the one shoving in front of all others. This happens everywhere, though often visible in store lines and along road construction sites. Certainly, you can describe many more instances of selfish behavior.

Most egregious for me is the total lack of respect for my God. Too few worship God, or gods, thinking the name of the Savior of our world is a simple curse. Those of us who still consider the names sacred are deeply offended, often without recourse. Any suggestion of concern is mocked and ignored.

Am I alone in my concerns for dress and language pollution? Share with me what else pollutes your world.

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Families, Traditions, and Choices

Parents have always wanted the best for their children. We want them to be beautiful, healthy, and prosperous. We’d like them to be more successful than us. Children want to be more prosperous than their parents. They desire greater success than their parents found. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t.

Throughout history parents have also been saddened when children have left the values held dear. Children become enthralled by foreign ideas, becoming lost to family ways of life and culture. A glance at the past century will illustrate the point.

Cities enticed young people away from the farms and mores of families from the country. A desire for easy living seduced them from the solid values parents believed in from their childhood. Later, things like cars, alcohol, and women beguiled children from standards parents felt were important.

Of course, parents do not begrudge a child’s success. Long ago, children were tied to the land, or required to continue the occupation of their fathers, regardless of the desires or talents of the young. These parents were cheered by any growth and improvement beyond their own. Great stories rarely come from a son continuing in his father’s livelihood. It is when the son or daughter break away and try new things that wonderful tales are shared.

Sometimes, the breaking away from childhood ethics and teachings cause parents great sorrow. The beliefs of a parent are deeply held, not given up because the world changes around them. Through time, a child leaving the religion of their parents has been a time of grief.

Eve felt heartache when her children chose to leave the faith she and Adam learned from their God in the Garden of Eden. Many children chose the darkness of the destroyer rather than the light of the gospel. Since then, this has been a source of sorrow for believing parents of all sects.

When I wrote Eve Remembers, I imagined the following conversation between Eve and her beloved Adam:

  “How did we lose them? We taught them.” I stood and began to pace.

“We taught them,” Adam said, his voice soothing. “Remember, they must have agency to choose, or we will be giving in to Lucifer’s plan. He wants us to force them to obey. We cannot. We must trust that they will return to the light.”

“I know.” I stopped pacing and stood in front of him, looking into his brilliant blue eyes. “I thought the sorrow of children would be in giving birth. Now I find that it comes as they make choices we would rather they would not. It is so much harder now, just watching, not able do anything.”

Today, parents continue to struggle with the sorrow of a child’s rejection of long held beliefs and traditions. Some manage to stay close, glad the child has found joy in the new found religion. Others become estranged, refusing to speak to each other.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we could find common ground, building trust and love amongst loved ones?

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Child Birth is “Worth It”

I shared a post on Facebook today, a picture with words describing a mother’s love for her child. The post shares the love we as mothers feel for our children long before they are born. It also suggests we may make mistakes, but we try our best, and will always love our children forever.

It’s true. We love our children long before we see them, often before we are aware of their movements. Even my unexpected child was loved long before he was big enough to let me know all was well inside. My affection and love for all of my children grew long before their births.

God told Mother Eve “I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. . .”[1] Delivering children is difficult and painful for most women. We struggle through hours of pain as the child moves through the birth canal, finally pushing his head and shoulders out, both are much wider than the opening. Childbirth hurts–no argument from me.

Some women attempt to circumvent the pain with drugs that dampen or hide it. Others endure Caesarian Section deliveries, thinking unconsciousness will eliminate the pain. NOT. It does not work that way. I was surprised by the agony of the after pains brought on after mine. Our bodies must undergo the experience of birth.

Happily, the pain recedes, in our joy of having a little child to love and care for. Ask a new mother if she remembers the pain even a few days after the birth of her beloved child.

In a section of my book, Eve Remembers, Eve shares with her oldest daughter this idea.

“Mama, what is it really like to give birth? I was there when both Abigail and Abri were born. I heard your pains. But, what is child birth really like?”

“You heard me moan, even cry out in pain, for it is given to women, sorrow and pain in childbirth. I will not tell you child birth is easy, you have seen me. It is not, but, the joy after is greater than the pain. Because of the intense pain during the birth of a child, the joy of welcoming a new little life into this world is as exquisite as the pain. It makes pain worthwhile, different from other injuries. As I followed your growth, watched you become lovely young men and women, the pain becomes a nearly forgotten memory, I remember the pain for only a short time after the birth, then the joy of your lives takes over, wiping away the pain.”

“The pain is terrible, and still you can forget? I helped you with Abigail. Her birth was easier than Abri’s. Even then, you worked so hard to move her out of your body. How can you forget such pain?”

“The pain still lingers in my memory, but is swallowed up in the joy of holding her, nursing her, seeing her smile, watching you and your brothers and sisters meet and love her. All that erases the memory of the pain. If I had not forgotten, I would not have had you, or any of your other brothers or sisters after Absalom.” I smiled at her. “Great joy overcomes the pain and sorrow of birth.”

“I think I understand. Even when I know it will hurt to put my hand into the nettles to gather leaves for tea, like the one father gave you after you had Abigail, the pain is worth it to gather them. The value of the leaves is greater than the pain.”[2]

Moms, do you agree? Tell me about your deliveries. Were they forgotten? Did the joy of your little one overcome all the pain? Please share.

If you’d like to know when Eve Remembers will be coming out, feel free to share your name and address with me.

 

[1] KJB, Genesis 3:16

[2] Eve Remembers, Angelique Conger, p. 266

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A War on Families

A war on families attacks from all directions, among all peoples, and in all countries of the world.

This may seem to be a strong statement, but if you consider the attacks from all sides, you will see this is not overly strong. Families are divided from their support structures, losing basic definition, and children are being lost to the murder of abortion.

From the beginning, families consisted of father, mother, and children. Eve and Adam were the first parents who obeyed the command to multiply and replenish the earth. Life was not easy for these first parents, they continued as parents to the end of their long lives.

A mother and a father is required, can’t exist without them. Even though this is truth, and cannot be denied or changed, people are trying to change the composition and structure of families.

Families always have been a father, mother, and children. There are times when this changed, when dad is lost to a battle, or mom is lost in childbirth or other illness. In the centuries before the middle of the 20th, families most often included grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. Industrialization encouraged families in search of employment to separate from the strength and support of extended family. Children became dependent on a parent or neighbors in times of challenge or trouble. No longer were families able to depend on the love and help of nearby extended families when children needed extra attention.

The division of the nuclear family from extended support of grandparents and others leaves many without help in times of economic difficulty. If the challenge is as simple as needing a ride to work or someone to watch the children while parents work, young parents who left the extended family behind find little help, unless kind neighbors step in to help.

Divorce is not a new state in our world, the Savior mentions it in the New Testament, but this sad state of affairs is more common than strong, stable marriages. Couples who are faithful to their spouse and maintain a loyalty to family more than a few years seem to be rare. Even in religious congregations with tenets stressing strong families and stable marriages, divorce is rampant.

Divorce divides families in ugly ways. Children are torn, living for a time with mom, and then must leave to live with dad. At best, parents live close, and are thoughtful of their children, raising them with similar attitudes, in one school, visiting the other parent frequently. In a worst case scenario, parents live long distances away, fighting battles through the children, tearing all kindness and love for the other parent from the hearts of the children. Many variations on these themes litter the relationships of previous families, but in every one a child is deprived of the full love and attention of a parent, often deprived of social and economic stability.

In the past half century, families degenerated to the point that couples “try things out”, bounce from one partner to another, sleeping around, having a one night stand, or forming “relationships” rather than marriage. Children become the “results of a relationship” rather than beloved children brought into a family, wanted by both parents. Often, mothers with multiple children, borne from multiple fathers, find none take responsibility to stay to teach and love their offspring. The once unheard prospect of single mothers and fathers is apparent, sharing children—or not.

Today, men and women living “divergent” lifestyles, claiming to love another of the same sex as husband and wife, are attempting to force a change in the very nature and definition of family, demanding place in the structure. Living together as “couples” is one thing, but the insistence of the appellation of family enforces the contention of families under attack. How can same sex couples possible increase, multiply and replenish the earth, as commanded in Genesis? It is impossible! Children require a father and a mother, not two fathers, not two mothers. Yes, they use means of artificial impregnation, and they can adopt. But to produce children, a mother and a father are required. Other means are biologically impossible in any other situation. Plain and simple.

The vilest attack on families comes in the guise of “liberation” and “choice”. Women are honored by the press when they commit murder of an unborn child. Liberation and choice ended when the woman made the choice of unprotected sex. Abortion is a kind euphemism for an ugly act. Once a child is conceived, the time choice is passed a human exists, and destruction of the child at any stage is murder. Women sometimes lose the opportunity of choice for other children after abortion. Not something to cheer about, unless the hidden agenda is no family, no children.

The attack on families comes from all directions. Families lose cohesion and support brought from living near extended loved ones. Divorce and shacking up force children into single parent homes, with all the attendant challenges. Men and women of the same sex are determined to marry and maintain “families”, though physically impossible for the couple to conceive children. Murder of the unborn called abortion spreads across all peoples in an attempt to “get rid of an unwanted problem”. No people, no nation is exempt. This is worldwide.

Certainly, these are not the only projectiles hurled in an attempt to destroy the family. These are the worst, and the most visible. We cannot solve all these problems. We cannot force others to change. We can stand firm for the family, avoiding the sorrows of broken homes and single parents with all the efforts of our being. We can refuse to abort children, give them to adoption if unable to personally care for them. We can stand with our spouse, determined to continue together, regardless of the struggles. We can stay in touch with children who moved to distant places, and parents, brothers, and sisters from whom we departed. We can reunite in love with grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins and grandchildren whenever possible.

Fight back. Save the family. Stand together as families supporting families.

 

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The Big Lie

The Big Lie. People are falling for it, everywhere. They don’t think they are; they think they have avoided it. Still, more are falling for it every day.

What is this lie?

Science can answer every question; there is no need for God.

If you believe science has the answer for everything, you are vitally mistaken.

Science can answer many questions, solve many problems. Scientists questions, using logic, seeking proof of a hypothesis. Results must be described in physical, measurable, and objective terms. Try to describe wind. Or measure love. Not possible. You can measure their effects, but you cannot directly measure them.

Scientists investigate nearly everything, and often find a nearly correct answer. Even scientists admit they never “know” the full answer. Each experiment, each investigation may bring them closer to a complete knowledge, but another scientist may ask the question in another way, investigate differently, hypothesize something new, and turn every “known truth” on its head. Consider the flat earth belief.

All scientific results are temporary truths, temporary until someone learns something more or better.

Contrast the variability of science with the constancy of God, who is “the same yesterday, today, and forever.”[1] His laws continue to be constant, whether the laws of gravity or the laws of chastity. God’s laws were introduced to Adam and Eve in the garden, and continue to have purpose for all men and women.

Unlike Jonathan Edwards’ view of “sinners in the hands of an angry god”[2] the One True God gave commandments that his children “might have joy.”[3] We are his children, and God loves us.

The belief in secular humanism and situational ethics leads people away from firm standards toward the insecurity of science and the “it’s all good” attitude, contributing to the slippery slope of no standards, no right or wrong, no sense of propriety. Children have no trouble disrespecting parents and others, students cheat, and adults murder the unborn in the name of choice. People cause others pain and grief because it feels good to them, never considering the effects on another human.

 

Because people choose the disobedient path, they believe the corollary of the Big Lie, God does not love us, or he would not let bad things happen to good people. No one wants a child to have cancer, a husband to be in an industrial accident, family to be killed by a drunk driver. God could prevent these deaths, but in many cases he chooses not to do so, for those left behind learn much more about themselves and others when compelled to struggle in a different manner.

God loves His children, and all who live on this earth are His children. We all have received the gift of choice, and the corresponding consequences that follow.

God allows bad people to hurt others, allowing the choice of action that was the greatest gift from the beginning of time. All actions have consequences, and someone must feel those consequences. If the consequences were taken away, or one was forced to not hurt another, the right of choice of actions—good or bad—would be lost, and God will not deny us the gift of choice.

What do you think? Is this the Big Lie, or would you suggest another?

 

[1] Hebrews 13:8

[2] “Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God”. Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758). Enfield, Connecticut July 8, 1741

[3] 2 Nephi 2:25

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Join My Anti-Erotica Crusade?

I am a member of several author groups, sharing help and trying to sell our work. Most of these are good. Others, I realized jarring in their dance with pornography in the guise of “erotica”.

I have been doing research for the cover of my book, Eve Remembers, the past few days, looking at colors and designs, how they show up, entice a reader. As my book is an historical novel, with a woman’s view, I was looking at the section of historical novels. Occasionally, I would stop; look at the blurb, when a book looked interesting. It was an interesting experience. Many openly advertised erotica.

Pornography, in all its disguises, including erotica, has but one purpose—destroy the family as it destroys the opportunity for healthy love and sex. It is more addictive than the strongest drug. Even an accidental view will replay in the mind until the twisted seems normal. Today, small children are affected by innocent views of this smut.

The written word is no different. Reading and writing explicit sex scenes lives in the mind, with or without the violence and degradation often accompanying erotica. Sweet connections between a husband and wife are personal, and need not be revealed in specific detail. Sex between unmarried couples or those of the same gender do not need all the gory details!

Women are threatened when their man dabbles, and becomes drawn into pornography. It causes trust issues, when he prefers to look at other women. Yet, women read and enjoy erotica, insisting they are only interested in the “relationships”. I have heard good and (supposedly) righteous women thrill at the news their favorite romance/erotica will soon be in visual form. They read it. They vicariously experienced the erotica, the violence, the degradation, the illicit behavior, and thrilling over it. Now they want to see it.

Do they not see themselves as partaking of pornography? Do they not see themselves as unfaithful wives? “We are just reading a fun book, not looking at, nor participating in pornography,” they cry. But the story is forever in their minds, there to raise the thoughts of inappropriate behavior, there to dream of a man who is not theirs.

Incredibly, women write an inordinate number of this type of book. They write of women as objects, and then write ferocious article complaining of men treating women as objects! Readers of these books join the mob in voicing outrage at being treated so vilely. It is fine to read of this, but not to have it be part of their living? Men read the books women write. Some must assume women want similar treatment, or they would not read and write about it so frequently!

Not all women read erotica, nor all men act like women are objects for their entertainment. Enough do to create a problem for everyone.

Leave the erotica alone. If everyone stopped reading it, they will stop writing it.

I know, I am dreaming. There are too many in our world that participate in illicit behavior, and enjoy reading and seeing it, as though it validates their behavior. The destroyer has claim upon a large portion of people, who gladly ignore the good and decent.

Will you join my crusade? Stop reading erotica? Stop viewing it?

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Is Depression a Choice?

I grow tired of all the media adulation upon the death of movie stars, while other vital news of greater importance is ignored. However, this week’s loss of Robin Williams is somehow different. Not because his movies were mostly good, clean fun, or that he made me laugh as early as Mork and Mindy, or even that he made me think deep thoughts in most of his movies.

No, the sad event is even darker because he could no longer withstand the darkness of his depression, bipolar disorder, or any of the other mental health issues he had, exacerbated by the drugs and alcohol. The darkness and instability of mental illness, no matter the label, is difficult to bear. Robin Williams was expert in hiding his darkness, giving joy to others with jokes, impressions, and improvisations. He gave to others, providing help to younger actors and giving support to others with mental health problems. For those of us not close to him, he had a good life. All was well.

But the laughter and jokes were a front, covering the darkness of mental health problems and dark depression. Everything was not rosy in his life. He, like many others who suffer with this challenge, tried to find relief in a bottle of alcohol or in one or more of the illicit drugs available. He tried to self-medicate the darkness away. It did not work any better for him than it does for the thousands of others who try the same path. His ability to make people laugh, to feel, helped him financially survive the darkness. Not everyone can do that.

Like many others in the United States, our family has members who struggle with the darkness like Williams did. Countless hours, and hundreds of dollars have been spent talking a beloved child into the hospital or away from that last step. Fortunately for our family, appropriate medication has been prescribed, and the addictions are under control, for now. Lives are improving and hope is on our horizon.

But hope is rarely on the horizon for those most troubled by depression. It is never fully in their court, never certain to drive away the fears and darkness that cause thoughts of ending life by their own hand. Spirituality helps, when there is enough light to allow the truth through, but spirituality, or medication, only lifts the edge of the curtain of hope, then forces it down, as though iron balls were sewn in to ensure the curtain hangs smooth, and tight.

For those who struggle with serious depression, the darkness of the destroyer rules. It requires hope beyond measure, and love from family and friends, lots of it, deeply and for a very long time, to draw the curtain of pain back enough to allow true light and knowledge to fill their souls. It is never certain that the light has won, and the darkness banished.

For many years, the mentally ill were considered lost souls, locked up in back rooms or sanatoriums to prevent their contamination of the general population. They have been perceived as “children of the devil” or worse. It is no wonder children taunt others by calling them “crazy”, and adults flinch when that appellation is directed towards them. Health insurances limit coverage for doctors and medications, further aggravating the chances for most to push aside the dark curtain and walk into the light. In recent years, help for the mentally ill has been drastically reduced, leaving many homeless on the streets of every major city.

No, the tragedy of Robin Williams losing to the darkness, giving in to loss of hope is more than the loss of a talented performer. This tragedy besets our nation. Lives are lost to the darkness. Most fight it; some give in to suicide, leaving behind parents, spouse, and children to pick up the pieces. Not everyone left behind is forced to open their lives to the media like Mr. Williams’ family. But they are called on to answer the questions of friends and neighbors, and the most difficult, unanswerable questions of their own. Darkness attempts to reign. Children believe themselves to be the cause, many falling into the trap of depression themselves.

What can we do? Certainly not damn the family left behind through insidious, grasping messages. Better, love your family; make them the center of your life, as Jack did in “Peter Pan”. If you have someone in your life who faces the darkness of depression, help them know there is light and hope in the world, and you are there to help them through the blackness of despair.

Finally, if you face the hopelessness and blackness of depression, don’t give up. Reach out to someone, anyone. Seek help and know light is behind the curtain. It can be drawn back to view light and knowledge. If you struggle, find one small thing each day that will bring you joy. It may be the laugh of your child, the rain or the sunshine on your face, or beautiful music. Find your joy, and cling to it if you must until the depths of darkness pass, and you are able to find light in your life again.

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